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Thursday, January 12, 2012

Why I'm Fat

Here it is! The post that needs posting, more than anything else!

I believe it started at a very young age, eating fast food on a somewhat regular basis. One of my first sentences was "friend fries!",  and I said it anytime I saw the Golden Arches. Around the age of 2, I knew all the nick names for McDonald's. By 3 or 4, I remember knowing what adults were talking about when they spelled it. I don't know enough about things to know for sure, but I'm fairly certain that this started me on a fat/salt/sugar addiction.

At age 9, I remember being chunky. You can even see it in my pictures. They're hard for me to look at. My dad would ration my ketchup in an attempt to help this. At my dad's, I wasn't allowed seconds on carbs or fatty things. At my mom's, I could have as much of whatever I wanted because "She is a swimmer, she needs more food".

The summer before 7th grade, my stepmom initiated a weight loss contest between her, myself, my sister, and my step sister. All I really remember was being a size 12 at the start of 7th grade. I don't think I knew enough to be truly proud of whatever weight I had lost. I was quickly bullied by other girls for being "poor", I also had a bad case of lice in 6th grade, so i wasn't allowed to shower as often as I wanted, and had to rinse my hair with vinegar. I didn't smell nice. I was called a "scrub". I was afraid to eat at school, so I didn't eat much at school. When I got home, I would make myself ramen, eat half a bag of chips, lock myself in the bathroom and cry... Cry because "no one likes me". Cry because I was angry, and frustrated. Why did things have to be so difficult for me? I would eat dinner at home, go next door to my best friend's house, eat dinner there, and then eat a whole bunch of ice cream. Go to bed, get up for school, repeat.

In 8th grade, I moved to my dad's house for a "fresh start". As part of a much larger school system, I wasn't picked on there, but I was very awkward and had difficulty making friends. Also, being a part of 2 different households with 2 completely different sets of rules and everything was very difficult. I moved back to my mom's for my freshman year.

9th grade, my other friend ((who I had known since 2nd grade)) repeatedly stabbed me in the back... Stealing my boyfriends, spreading rumors about me, making a mess of my life. Aside from that, though, high school was a MUCH better experience. My grandpa died. Right before I turned 15. I lost my best friend, and my biggest role model. My grandpa will forever be on a pedestal in my eyes. He was the most decent, honest, down to earth, and caring man I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. I lost him to a long, drawn out, battle with lung cancer. I spent some time that summer with my grandma, she had started weight watchers. She encouraged my sister and me to do it with her for the month we were there. I lost 12 pounds in 2 weeks. Once again, I didn't know enough to be proud of myself.

Let's fast-forward to my senior year. I was living with my dad, and planning on joining the NAVY once I graduated. My stepmom firmly believes in breakfast, so I drank a slimfast shake every day before school. When I would get home, I would watch TV doing push-ups, sit-ups, and modifications of each during the commercial breaks. I walked about a half mile combined to and from work. In the evening, I would run a mile on the treadmill blasting Eminem in my walkman, and watching the Pistons with the volume off. I went to the MEPS station ((where you get tested for everything before you formally enlist)).
Eye Exam: pass.
Hearing Exam: pass.
Urine Test: pass.
ASVAB: pass in the 90th percentile
Weight Check: fail.
I weighed 175. I was the thinnest I remember being. My BMI was too high. I was DEVESTATED.
I should have worked harder. Instead, I became more of a recluse, got in to some trouble, had a falling-out with my dad, and ran away to my mom's.

My ex-stepdad is the WORST person I have ever crossed paths with. His alcoholism lead him to be violent. There was a huge fight, lead to my mom getting punched in the chest... We moved to my aunt's in Indiana.

It was there that I found a love for sour skittles and mt. dew. I consumed SO MUCH citric acid that I pee'd electric yellow ((almost green)) and my tongue was peeling. I ate a lot of cheese. I drank a lot of soda and red bull. I started working at McDonald's. I very rapidly gained weight and weighed 225.

After "graduating", I moved to my grandma's for the first time. And this part of my life ((the bouncing around which occurred between the ages of 18 and 22)) I am not going to report. It isn't significant enough. But, once I first moved in with her, I lost a good chunk of weight. From that time on, in what I call my "adult life", when I have weighed myself, I have weighed from 185-210. Which, is enough to wear the same clothes... On one end, they're a little loose, you just tighten your belt... On the other end, they're a little too tight, so you cut back on certain things. Yeah, I was bigger than I wanted to be, but I looked great! And I didn't feel bad either.

After a cruise to Alaska, a summer filled with reunions and 10+ hours in the restaurant management world, I weighed 215. I then got pregnant. While pregnant with Scott, I rapidly gained weight. A good chunk of it was water weight, I craved salt with that boy! I was SO swollen, that it HURT to wear my socks. And shoes? Forget it. Unless they were crocs or ugg type shoes, I couldn't get my feet in them.

The day I delivered, I weighed almost 270.

When Scott was a week old, I weighed myself at my grandma's. I weighed 230.

And I've been around 230 ever since. I quickly cut soda out of my diet ((husband was drinking 4 cans of coke a day)), we couldn't afford it after our "bundle" arrived. Got rid of snack food for the same reason. Cut back on eating out. Started a diet of ham/hot dogs, and mac n cheese since it's more affordable. And, then things started to level out again. We started eating roasts, and more substantial meals. But I weighed the same.

My doctor had told me right after Scott was born that I needed to lose weight. I thought that making those simple changes would help.

They didn't.

I went to see her because I became SO fatigued. And I didn't understand why. Scott was 8 months old, had been sleeping through the night since he was 3 weeks old. He also takes 2 solid naps that I can rely on. Napping was making me WORSE. I was so sure it was my thyroid, or worse, fibromyalgia, or MS, or lupus, or SOMETHING.

Went back for my blood test results and a check-up.... I have a hyper-active thyroid, and more than a normal level of sugar in my blood. I HAD to lose weight. She said I could wait to quit smoking, that the weight was more of an issue with my health.

I emailed Dr. Phil. I told him everything I just told you, but in less details. They emailed me back with questions, I responded, and I still haven't heard anything.

My grandma gave me her old Weight Watchers stuff.

Atkins sent me information.

I was half watching "The Doctors", and they were discussing the PINK Method.
I was then watching Dr. Phil, and he was discussing the PINK Method.

I fell in LOVE! The women looked GREAT! They said it wasn't that hard, that more than losing the weight, they noticed other changes within them as well! They all had AMAZING results! And, PINK offered something more than Weight Watchers, Atkins, South Beach, and diet pills did.... A WORK OUT REGIMEN. Which is EXACTLY what I needed!!

And there you go! My whole story! And, reasons behind PINK! So far, so good!

The fatboy has awakened from his nap, and I have that lunch to get ready for...