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Monday, February 6, 2012

IMPRESSED!

I belong to a FaceBook Forum for other "Big Girls" doing PINK Method.
One of the trainers actually joined the forum, posted and replied in there! The genuineness just blew my mind! It's nice to see people passionate about their line of work!

Eating 1500 calories is difficult. And I'm not sure if it's helping or not. Also battling a hyperactive thyroid >< You would think that this would work IN my favor... But it isn't. It's burning calories FAST and leaving my tummy hungry. I've felt like I was hungry all day today. I've been a bottomless pit of healthy eating!!!! LOL!

I really need to see my doctor about it. Just to find out how many calories she would like me to eat, what food can help keep me more full, what weight does she want me to weigh, blah blah blah.

This is my last week on Phase 1 workouts. From the time the new scale was purchased, I have dropped 10 pounds. I fit in to a pair of sweats I haven't worn since before I was pregnant. Everyone says I look great. I feel great! There's definitely less of me, and I swear my stretch marks are fading too!

I can't wait for this all to come full circle. I can't wait to post my "grand totals"... And, I can't wait to move on to the next thing and push myself to a whole new level. P90X? Running? BOTH?! I'm serious. Once I complete PINK, I'm going to tackle something that seemed impossible to me. Once I complete PINK, I will no longer be in my own way. It's going to be AWESOME! I'm so pumped!!

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Outside Resources

Sorry for not posting more often! So much has been going on that I just haven't had the time.
Well, that is only half the reason...

The other half is because on Monday, I weighed myself and measured hoping to have some "change" to share. I did not.

I kept weighing and measuring on Tuesday, and Wednesday. I was SO confused! I hadn't increased in weight or inches, but with the working out 6 days a week, I thought surely I would have lost an inch!

Today was Bible Study day. I talked with the fitness/nutritionist girl that is helping us out. I told her about PINK ((briefly)) and I told her that I used myfitnesspal to track my calories yesterday. I ended the day at 991. I had 1259 calories left over. I told her that one of my friends said it was possible my body was in "starvation mode". She agreed with that. She told me to keep watching my calories, to start taking in 1500 a day. She said that by doing that, I should start to see more change. She also reminded me to "make my calories count". Meaning, high protein and complex carbs, which I'm TOTALLY ok with! I'm also ok with eating more.

Right now, I'm not that enthusiastic about PINK on the whole. With the limitations on the carbs and protein, it's tough to reach 1500. And no wonder I've felt like I was STARVING!! Sticking to it ((but with the modifications)) because I've already invested time in to it.

I have a friend who I recently inspired to do PINK. A part of me feels a little bit bad for that, however, she is coming over tomorrow so I can at least give her a "heads up".

On the bright side, people have NOTICED a difference in my appearance! I saw a couple girls today from my bible study that ended beginning of December. They said that I look great! (^^)

I saw my butt's reflection in Panera Bread's window this afternoon. I have a very nice tukas! Also, I did notice that my 1 fat roll, you know the one... Under the rib cage and above the gut... It's not as, deep? Is that the word I'm looking for? And "Scott's Pouch" ((the poofy place that is the result of a C-Section)) isn't as protruding either. On a side note, I'd like to think that the "pouch" will go away. But I really don't think it will completely. That would take a miracle, or plastic surgery...

Which leads me to a legitimate concern: What if I lose the weight and have excess skin leftover? Because, that's just as gross as being fat.

I think I'm not going to worry about that. I have to get healthy. I can't be unhealthy to keep my skin "tight". All I can do is keep on keeping on, and hope for the best!

Another random tidbit: If you're exercising and stuff, make sure you get a FULL night's sleep. It really does make a difference!

Friday, January 27, 2012

What A Crazy Week!

This week, life wise, has been a hectic and chaotic. For many, many reasons.

Today is a new day though. Everything has come full-circle for me, and I'm feeling GREAT!

I LOVE WORKING OUT!

And now, I'm starting to feel my work-outs in other areas. My thighs don't hurt. I can walk like a normal person, and I don't feel stiff either. But I am feeling my work-outs in my ABS! And, my upper arms! Very pleased with that, as it's my stomach and upper arm area that need the most work!!

I'm loving PINK. I'm loving the way I feel as a whole. It's nice to see people I don't see on a regular basis, and have them say that I do look noticeably different as well. I looked at myself naked today, the first time since weighing myself on a hard surface ((the full length mirror is in my bedroom)) I think I'm starting to notice a difference too, or maybe I'm just used to looking at myself and not so critical. Either way, I am proud of me. I know that I'm not even halfway in to this yet, but every day it's easier to stick to.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

When Life Gives Me Lemons...

... I throw them back harder!

The past 2 days in my personal life have just been terrible. Not my home life, just my personal life. I turned to food in my darkest hour, and I went to bed even more miserable. I've been working on distancing myself from other people's emotional issues, sometimes, when you really care about someone, it's incredibly difficult. That does not mean that I should let it ruin everything that I have going on here. I said that this whole thing was a "learning process"... I am ever learning!

There is nothing I can do to change the situation, so there is no point in getting upset about it. And it definitely isn't worth sabotaging my health over.

On a lighter note, today was day 3 of working out. Day 3 is a much better work-out day! I CAN MOVE MY LEGS AGAIN! (^^) Seriously, I will have thighs of steel! Living in a townhouse makes things challenging, I feel the burn ALL DAY! I know it's good for me. I know I'm on my way to being a very healthy, and in shape, person.

I love working out. It really feels good, even when it hurts. And I'm so incredibly proud with myself. I have more confidence from it too. I strut around my house. I have the energy to do things around the house, and don't feel much like sitting around. My shoulders are back, my head is high. I sleep better, and I wake up more rested. I'm in a better mood, too.

I can't change other people. I can't help those who won't help themselves. I can't turn back time, or undo things. I CAN change myself. I CAN change my relationships with other people. And I CAN lose this weight and get in shape!!

Monday, January 23, 2012

Phase 1, Day 1

Weighed in at 227. Measurements are still 43-42-46.

Did my first work-outs today! I did Kardio and Yoga Core. Very impressed with the effort I put in! Yeah, they were intense, but I was focused!!

Kardio ((which I was so sure would kick my butt!)) was a challenge, but not an unachievable one. Right as it got difficult to breathe, she had us "jog it out" and start something new. My exercise would've been better if Scott wasn't trying to use me as a jungle gym at the same time. They always want attention when you're busy! : )

Now the Yoga... Yoga was ROUGH! I did the best I could to make the poses, and focus on the muscles I was moving... Which is difficult when you're trying to watch the TV to see what to do. I was shaking! Most people who haven't done yoga just don't understand how INTENSE yoga is. The yoga was a lot more difficult for me than the kardio.

Eating-wise I did better today. No, I did not do great. I had a couple pretzels. I should probably just throw them away. I even made a spaghetti sauce out of low-sodium V8! It was GREAT! Loaded in vegetables even!

Energy-wise I feel FANTASTIC! I've had so much energy all day! I cleaned my whole entire kitchen, and even mopped the floor! Mentally, I've been more alert as well. I'm really loving working out!

I took a "detox bath". Baths, to me, are a waste of time. I even dry-brushed before hand. I'm not sure if I made my bath correctly... I didn't feel sick or lightheaded or an intense burn. My skin is much smoother though, and feels hydrated. That in itself makes it worth while!

Since I'm finally sitting, I can feel how stiff I will be tomorrow. The thighs are tight!

Tomorrow, I will be doing Strength Push and Athletic Abs. Totally ready to have more of me hurt!!!

Sunday, January 22, 2012

End of Reset!!

Thank goodness! :D
It's definitely been a struggle. If I could go back 2 weeks ago, there are MANY things that I would've done differently. But, I can't go back. I can't undo anything that I did "wrong". All I can do is move forward... Well, honestly, that's only half-true. I COULD stay on the reset longer, which would probably be a good idea. However, I bought this program for the workouts, and I start those tomorrow.

Did I learn anything? YES! I've learned about portion size, and I've lost my reliability on carbs. I've learned that you don't NEED carbs when you're relatively inactive for energy. I've learned that good food makes you feel GREAT! And, bad food makes you feel terrible. I'll continue to learn, I'm forever "green"... As one of the best bosses I've ever had said "If you aren't 'green', you aren't growing!" If there's nothing left to learn, I might as well not be alive.

Tomorrow morning, expect a post with my weight and measurements. Starting fresh for a new phase! I'm very excited about this phase everyone! I can't wait to start working out! I can't wait to build some muscle, and burn more fat. I can't wait to lose more inches!

Also excited to continue on with my Bible study class, and, to study the Bible on my own.

By nature, I am a quitter. When things get too hard, I move on. This is not a healthy habit to keep, for there are many things in life that we just can't "quit"... Well, I suppose you can, but being a fairly level-headed and responsible person, it would just be counter productive. I'd piss off a lot of people, and not be happy with myself in the end. Any way, I'm making a big effort to continue forward, and to NOT QUIT.

As I've written before, failure is not an option for this girl! I have people who depend on me, and rely on me to be my best. You get back what you put in. Tomorrow, I start fresh! And I "put in" 110%! The only thing left to lose is the extra weight I'm carrying around.

I'm at the point in my life where things are good. I'm happy with myself. I love the person I've grown up to be. It's time to just let my light shine!

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Discouraged.

This morning, when I weighed in, my scale was all over the place!

We just bought a new scale. Not only does it weigh you, but it also tells you your body fat percentage, and how much of your weight is water.

I know it's a little late in the day for "weighing", I just really wanted to play with it! The directions said to put it on a flat, hard, level, surface. I did. I stood on it, and it said I weighed 232, which is what I thought my initial weight was!!! I HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH WEIGHT I HAVE LOST!!! I'm freaking out... I feel like somehow everything has come "undone", yet I know I'm smaller. I've been fighting with my yoga pants and undies just to keep them up!

I didn't know that you weren't supposed to weigh in on carpet. On carpet, I weigh 118 :D

Any way, I'm just going to forget about it. I'm going to go ahead and move on to the Primary diet and Phase 1 workouts on Monday like originally planned.

Well, here's to accuracy in the future!

Friday, January 20, 2012

Hidden

I touched on something a little bit yesterday, but I think I need to go in to full detail and explain myself further. I'm talking about the fear of losing weight.

It isn't so much the change that I'm worried about. It's other people.

I've taken great strides to be more than "something nice to look at". Being larger, you HAVE to take the time to get to know me... To see how beautiful I am. And, if you can't see past the outside, you just aren't worth it. Being married makes this easier. It's still not that easy though.

My weight is a part of who I am. It always has been. I think that in the back of my mind, I consider myself "the fat girl". Even when I was thinner, I was still the "fat girl". I'm referring now to high school.... When most of my friends were smaller than me. In my adult life, I've tried to keep friends who were closer to me body-wise... Had a little to lose. There are a few exceptions, of course! It's just in my past experiences, the thin girls were the "mean girls". The ones who made my life miserable. The ones who kicked me when I was down, and just ripped me apart for absolutely no reason.

These stereotypes and negative thoughts that are in my mind just need to go! There are a lot of nice, thin people. I can be thin, and still be me... Right?! It's just hard to wrap my mind around.

There's also the issue of not seeing yourself the way that others see you. What I see in the mirror is different from what my husband sees when he looks at me, different from my son, from my family, my friends... I notice every single flaw. Everything that is WRONG with me I see. This goes beyond the physical outward appearance; I see what's wrong with me emotionally even... Things that I just can't quite get over.

My weight is my armor, my shield... It protects the "real me" from getting hurt, and taken advantage of. Losing weight is letting my guard down. It's me trusting people before I know them. It's me having enough confidence in myself to walk around "naked".

I'm sort of crying as I write this right now. I don't understand how something so relatively simple can be so incredibly hard at the same time.

But here is what I DO know:
I have to tackle all of this "stuff". I have to fix it and mend it. In order for me to make this critical change in my life, I have to come at it from all sides. Dieting and exercise alone aren't going to be enough. I have to completely change myself... My way of thinking. I have to "let go" and move on from my past experiences. I can't go forward while allowing myself to be weighed down in negativity.

If I don't "fix" my inside, I will relapse on the outside. Failure IS NOT an option.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

God.

I'm a Christian, with a Unitarian mindset. I truly believe that EVERYONE needs faith, and that you can't go at things "alone". Spiritually, we need to be on the same page as God.

Today, I started a Bible Study class that focuses on switching our cravings to the Lord. Anything that we do in excess isn't bad for us just physically, but it hinders our Spiritual growth and development as well. Something finally "clicked".

Like Pastor Todd said at our church a couple weeks ago, there are 2 ways to go about things:
We can go at it alone, and do it "our" way.
Or, we can do it God's way.

Being Christian, and knowing what I know, any time that you attempt things without God, you usually struggle and rarely succeed.

I want to lose weight. I want to keep it off. I need God. I need to include him in this process with me.

And I mean more than just saying my prayers at night.

Instead of eating ((or smoking)) out of stress, frustration, disappointment, anger, fear, sadness, I should be praying. I should be hitting the Bible. I need to turn to him, for he is the one that can really "fix" me and alleviate a negative situation.

It's not that I wouldn't be successful without this class, I would because I am determined. However, I've been struggling. I have a lot more emotional issues involved with food than I gave myself credit for. PINK touches on these a little bit, but just not the same way that I need it to. This Bible study will force me to look at myself a lot harder and grow beyond just losing weight.

For example, just last night I got scared. Scared of being thin.

I've never been thin before. I've always been kinda big. How would this change affect me as a person? How else would I be different? I mean, I like ME. I really do!

It seems like an irrational fear, however, if you are a larger person yourself, I think you can connect to that fear as well. I can't explain it. I know, it sounds stupid. But it really isn't. Maybe it's just the way I identify myself, as a big girl. But we can't identify or label ourselves ((or other people)) by weight. That's just ridiculous! I AM MORE than my pant size, or the number on the scale, or my measurements.

This is an area that needs "fixing".

My goal isn't so much to lose weight as it is to keep it off and be healthy.

I can't be healthy if I'm not complete physically, mentally, emotionally, and Spiritually.

For the first time since the scale said I was down 12 pounds, I have confidence and reassurance again! Everything will be ok! God has a plan, and God's plan is perfect! So, by including him in my "journey" that makes my journey perfect too! :)

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

2 Year Anniversary!

Today, Steve and I have been in a committed relationship for 2 years! This is a VERY big deal to me, because this is now, officially, my longest relationship!

We went out to eat. I did very well, ordering water with my meal, and only eating half of my meal. :D I WAS SO STUFFED! Incredibly so. I don't feel sick. I don't feel bad. I'm actually happy, my stomach has shrunk!! ((I didn't eat off the diet either! I'm sure there was more sodium than I should have, and I'm sure I did consume more protein, but she said we can have a little extra protein))

I do feel like I've "fallen off the wagon" a bit though. So, I WILL do better the rest of the week, and finish it out like I promised myself to do.

I'm ready to work out! And maybe I should... The book says 2 weeks or until you lose 10 lbs. I've already hit that mark! Still sustaining the 12 pound loss!!!!

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Poop

When you're on the Reset, a bowel movement is a LUXURY! If we had the extra money, I probably would be taking probiotics, but I'm too cheap for all that stuff! I've been adding a dollop of plain, non fat, Greek yogurt to my breakfast shakes to help things "move". It isn't working well enough.

You know, I honestly feel the BEST ((lower intestinal-ly speaking)) the morning after I "cheat" in some way. Which is weird... I thought veggies were packed in fiber. I eat raw baby spinach at least 3 times a day, among other leafy greens.

My weight this morning is the same... 220!
Didn't take measurements today, I was in a bit of a time crunch.

Monday, January 16, 2012

I was "BAD!"

I had McDonald's for dinner. Surprisingly, I'm not sick to my stomach. Surprisingly, my mouth isn't freaking out from the salt. Unfortunately, it was waaay too delicious!

It takes a weak moment. And today has been a very "weak" day for me. I'm not making excuses for my actions, however, after battling my toilet this morning ((it decided to overflow! ><!)) and having the worst cold I've had in a loooong time, I didn't want to cook. Steve didn't want to wait for food to be cooked either.

Once the calories and fat are in, they're in. I did better than usual there... I did not get my large meal, or even a soda. :D

And, I now know that McDonald's must be avoided at all costs for me. It is my kryptonite! I've come a very long way in just 1 week. I don't want to compromise that in any way, shape, or form! In 1 week I achieved what 3 weeks of Weight Watchers did for me!

For the remainder of this week, I will stay on point. Tomorrow I am taking my cousin to tour Kent State ((and also give her my own personal tour!)) There will be much walking involved with tomorrow. That should make up for today in some way.

Well, tonight is an early night for this girl! I do not expect a scale shift tomorrow, although...

Food For Thought:
It takes 3,500 calories to gain a pound of fat!

END OF THE WEEK RESULTS

Alright! Here it is! My final weight and measurements for the end of week 1!

Weight: 220lbs
Bust: 43"
Waist: 42"
Hips: 46"
Thighs: 27"

Initial weigh-in on 12/9/12
Weight: 232 lbs / -12 lbs!!
Bust: 48"/ -5" !
Waist: 47"/ -5" !
Hips: 48"/ -2" !
Thighs: 28"/ -1" !

Not too shabby for 1 week with no exercise right?! I'm pretty impressed!

All of my PINK friends are right, week 2 of the reset is easier. I think my stomach has shrunk, so I do feel more full.

I intentionally set out to "cheat" last night. We rented some movies. I wanted popcorn. It smelled SO delicious! But man! Did it taste terrible!! I did eat some organic cinnamon popcorn we had lying around, and a few pretzel rods ((I expect this is why the scale didn't shift... water retention. Also, I'm slightly "irregular" on this diet, due to extreme less fiber)) I just HAD to get that taste out of my mouth! It could have been the "fake salt". I don't know what it was. But I do know that what I did eat instead had significantly less fat! LOL!

Today, I'm not very hungry. Could be because my cold is getting worse. I think I'm going to attempt to nap later, tonight will be another early night for me regardless.

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Reset Day 7, End of Week 1!!

As of this morning, I weigh in at 220. I have lost a total of 12 pounds! ((Maybe 14 even, my scale is weird))
I could not find my measuring tape, and was in a bit of a hurry this morning. I will have my weight and measurements posted tomorrow morning for the start of my second week!

I'm very proud of myself, and my husband. I haven't been very "graceful" with the whole process. A lesser woman would've caved by now, A lesser man would've said "Here woman! Eat this McDonald's or I'm divorcing you!"

I'm burnt out. On veggies.

Yes, they're delicious. And yes, I do need this change. I just feel like I eat essentially the same day... It's rough. No, I am not hungry. Which is shocking to me! I figured I'd be STARVING. Nope. You don't have to go hungry to lose weight.

It's ok. I can make it another week! I'm actually counting down the days til I can have fruit regularly! Just 7 more!!

Popcorn is another thing that I miss. Steve and I discussed it. We're going to look for an air popper, get some butter flavored spray, and start having an at home movie night once a week. No, popcorn is not part of PINK. But if I take the fat and most of the sodium out of it, and if I go easy on the carbs that day ((we're allowed gluten free bread and whole grain cereal then too!)) I don't think it will undo everything I've worked so hard for.

Just one more week... 7 days...
'Til fruit, complex carbs, and WORKING OUT!

I can't wait to work out! I really can't! I'm SOOO READY!!
On that note, I'm sure I will gain a bit in the beginning. I probably won't lose as much as some of my PINK friends. In the past, my body has always been very muscular. That's why I've never worried too much about weight. I'm definitely looking forward to toning up, and losing several inches! And, just being more active. I hope to leave this program with the stamina and endurance to keep up the activity. Steve and I have discussed a YMCA membership, or even some martial arts classes for me once I complete PINK. I told him that I do better in a class environment... Because, in a class, I have to "show up"... I have an instructor and classmates to be accountable to. I'm hoping also through PINK, I'll learn to be accountable to myself, rather than other people.

I'm cooking as I'm writing this. I totally just burnt some garlic! It's ok. It wouldn't have tasted that good on the salad anyway :)

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Reset Day 6

So far, so good!

Not as energized as I would like to be, but this cold is totally kicking my butt right now. I've drank all of my water, and then some. I've eaten all of my veggies. Just waiting for 6pm so that I can eat dinner, and call it a day. I'm sooo zonked!

Nothing major to report today, except.... I visited my neighbor for a minute, she wanted to give me some hand cream. I stepped inside, and her husband was eating a burger and drinking a beer. I didn't even care! My mouth didn't water, my tummy didn't rumble!! Which is AMAZING for me!! :D
((The cold is helping in the "smelling" department. Chili for dinner, hoping to loosen some gunk up!))

I really don't want to eat dinner, but I know that I need to eat. I've just been ready for bed since I woke up.

Encouragement! (Day 5 recap, start of Day 6)

I'm going to start off this post by mentioning that there MAY be something wrong with my scale. Depending on if I stand or squat on it, my weight changes. Which confuses me. So I'm not sure what I weigh... Between 220, and 224 for sure! :D And my measurements? The inches are melting off like the butter I'm not allowed to eat!

Having a terrible cold, and feeling "snowed in", has left me kind of gloomy. I would really like soup and fruit ((my 2 go-to things when I'm sick)) But I have to wait 1 more week! I can't believe it, I'm halfway through the Reset!! Woohoo!!! (^^)

They say "everything happens for a reason". Being Christian, I believe this to be true, and I also find it necessary to report when things happen. Last night, I needed cigarettes. I DID NOT want to leave the house in all that snow. Steve insisted that I go and "get a break", and reminded me to "be strong" when it comes to all the tasty snacks in the Drive-Thru down the street. ((For those of you who don't live in Ohio, a Drive-Thru is a fancy garage with an array of beverages, beer, wine, alcohol, mixers, sometimes bait and tackle, ice, snacks, water, cigarettes... You never leave the car! It's the ultimate convenience store!))

It took 10 mins to thaw out my car. My doors were frozen shut!

When I get to the Drive-Thru, I ask her if she had any Perrier ((my sparkling water of choice: 0 calories, 0 fat, 0 sugar, 0 sodium)), she said no, but looked at the kind she liked to see if there was any sodium in it. There was. She made a joke about my diet, "So no salt, no sugar, no fat, but lots of tobacco?!" I laughed. I told her what diet I'm on. I explained that my Dr. said the weight was worse than smoking at this point. She said that she understood. Her and her son have Celiac (sp) Disease, they can't have wheat. She said that everything gets a bit easier every day... That what we eat is like a uniform... You wear the same uniform to work every day, and over time, you eat the same food every day... It becomes routine, you start to not think about it after a while.

She is SO right!

I also love the random messages of encouragement via Face Book from my friends and family. It's just nice to hear that I'm doing a good job, that I'm making the right choices, especially that they read my blog and ENJOY it, look forward to reading it! I never expected that. It means SO MUCH! And it always comes when my ego hurts lol! Which is when I need it.

On that note, I thought yesterday to myself how I don't give myself a lot of credit. How I'm always hard on myself, expect more out of myself. That isn't fair to me, to treat myself like that. And if I treat me like I'm lesser, other people may too. I need to be MY #1 fan, and #1 cheerleader! That's where the success comes from! So I'm working on encouraging myself, keeping myself going.

As Day 6 starts, a grocery trip is in order! I ate all my veggies!

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Salt

Go without it for a bit and WOAH! Is salt salty!!!

Seriously. Quit eating salt for a day or two. The whole time, you will miss it terribly! And you will think to yourself how "this would taste soooo much better if I salted it". After a couple salt-free days, go out to eat. Where ever you want, I don't care. Order something. Eat it. Later, let me know how your lips and mouth feel. All dry, and chapped... Like you just ate salt itself.

And this "issue" is why I'm giving up on eating out. I ate out 2 times already. I don't have the same issues with my innards like I did with Chipotle ((and I'm choosing to blame dairy for that)), but I just don't feel "right". I can't explain it. Everything that I make and eat at home just makes me feel so incredibly good! I feel alert, energized, perky, uplifted, and full. Other food just doesn't pick me up quite the same.

Today's lunch is the first lunch I've attended ((with the same group of women)) where the people I was dining with were more important than the food I was eating. I ate food because I needed to eat. But I didn't leave my house to "eat food" as I have in the past. I left to spend time with my friends.
Lunch=Success!!

I'm not sweating lunch at all. Just not going to worry about it. I went for the right reasons, which was fellowship and conversation... To visit with my friends. (^^)

Why I'm Fat

Here it is! The post that needs posting, more than anything else!

I believe it started at a very young age, eating fast food on a somewhat regular basis. One of my first sentences was "friend fries!",  and I said it anytime I saw the Golden Arches. Around the age of 2, I knew all the nick names for McDonald's. By 3 or 4, I remember knowing what adults were talking about when they spelled it. I don't know enough about things to know for sure, but I'm fairly certain that this started me on a fat/salt/sugar addiction.

At age 9, I remember being chunky. You can even see it in my pictures. They're hard for me to look at. My dad would ration my ketchup in an attempt to help this. At my dad's, I wasn't allowed seconds on carbs or fatty things. At my mom's, I could have as much of whatever I wanted because "She is a swimmer, she needs more food".

The summer before 7th grade, my stepmom initiated a weight loss contest between her, myself, my sister, and my step sister. All I really remember was being a size 12 at the start of 7th grade. I don't think I knew enough to be truly proud of whatever weight I had lost. I was quickly bullied by other girls for being "poor", I also had a bad case of lice in 6th grade, so i wasn't allowed to shower as often as I wanted, and had to rinse my hair with vinegar. I didn't smell nice. I was called a "scrub". I was afraid to eat at school, so I didn't eat much at school. When I got home, I would make myself ramen, eat half a bag of chips, lock myself in the bathroom and cry... Cry because "no one likes me". Cry because I was angry, and frustrated. Why did things have to be so difficult for me? I would eat dinner at home, go next door to my best friend's house, eat dinner there, and then eat a whole bunch of ice cream. Go to bed, get up for school, repeat.

In 8th grade, I moved to my dad's house for a "fresh start". As part of a much larger school system, I wasn't picked on there, but I was very awkward and had difficulty making friends. Also, being a part of 2 different households with 2 completely different sets of rules and everything was very difficult. I moved back to my mom's for my freshman year.

9th grade, my other friend ((who I had known since 2nd grade)) repeatedly stabbed me in the back... Stealing my boyfriends, spreading rumors about me, making a mess of my life. Aside from that, though, high school was a MUCH better experience. My grandpa died. Right before I turned 15. I lost my best friend, and my biggest role model. My grandpa will forever be on a pedestal in my eyes. He was the most decent, honest, down to earth, and caring man I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. I lost him to a long, drawn out, battle with lung cancer. I spent some time that summer with my grandma, she had started weight watchers. She encouraged my sister and me to do it with her for the month we were there. I lost 12 pounds in 2 weeks. Once again, I didn't know enough to be proud of myself.

Let's fast-forward to my senior year. I was living with my dad, and planning on joining the NAVY once I graduated. My stepmom firmly believes in breakfast, so I drank a slimfast shake every day before school. When I would get home, I would watch TV doing push-ups, sit-ups, and modifications of each during the commercial breaks. I walked about a half mile combined to and from work. In the evening, I would run a mile on the treadmill blasting Eminem in my walkman, and watching the Pistons with the volume off. I went to the MEPS station ((where you get tested for everything before you formally enlist)).
Eye Exam: pass.
Hearing Exam: pass.
Urine Test: pass.
ASVAB: pass in the 90th percentile
Weight Check: fail.
I weighed 175. I was the thinnest I remember being. My BMI was too high. I was DEVESTATED.
I should have worked harder. Instead, I became more of a recluse, got in to some trouble, had a falling-out with my dad, and ran away to my mom's.

My ex-stepdad is the WORST person I have ever crossed paths with. His alcoholism lead him to be violent. There was a huge fight, lead to my mom getting punched in the chest... We moved to my aunt's in Indiana.

It was there that I found a love for sour skittles and mt. dew. I consumed SO MUCH citric acid that I pee'd electric yellow ((almost green)) and my tongue was peeling. I ate a lot of cheese. I drank a lot of soda and red bull. I started working at McDonald's. I very rapidly gained weight and weighed 225.

After "graduating", I moved to my grandma's for the first time. And this part of my life ((the bouncing around which occurred between the ages of 18 and 22)) I am not going to report. It isn't significant enough. But, once I first moved in with her, I lost a good chunk of weight. From that time on, in what I call my "adult life", when I have weighed myself, I have weighed from 185-210. Which, is enough to wear the same clothes... On one end, they're a little loose, you just tighten your belt... On the other end, they're a little too tight, so you cut back on certain things. Yeah, I was bigger than I wanted to be, but I looked great! And I didn't feel bad either.

After a cruise to Alaska, a summer filled with reunions and 10+ hours in the restaurant management world, I weighed 215. I then got pregnant. While pregnant with Scott, I rapidly gained weight. A good chunk of it was water weight, I craved salt with that boy! I was SO swollen, that it HURT to wear my socks. And shoes? Forget it. Unless they were crocs or ugg type shoes, I couldn't get my feet in them.

The day I delivered, I weighed almost 270.

When Scott was a week old, I weighed myself at my grandma's. I weighed 230.

And I've been around 230 ever since. I quickly cut soda out of my diet ((husband was drinking 4 cans of coke a day)), we couldn't afford it after our "bundle" arrived. Got rid of snack food for the same reason. Cut back on eating out. Started a diet of ham/hot dogs, and mac n cheese since it's more affordable. And, then things started to level out again. We started eating roasts, and more substantial meals. But I weighed the same.

My doctor had told me right after Scott was born that I needed to lose weight. I thought that making those simple changes would help.

They didn't.

I went to see her because I became SO fatigued. And I didn't understand why. Scott was 8 months old, had been sleeping through the night since he was 3 weeks old. He also takes 2 solid naps that I can rely on. Napping was making me WORSE. I was so sure it was my thyroid, or worse, fibromyalgia, or MS, or lupus, or SOMETHING.

Went back for my blood test results and a check-up.... I have a hyper-active thyroid, and more than a normal level of sugar in my blood. I HAD to lose weight. She said I could wait to quit smoking, that the weight was more of an issue with my health.

I emailed Dr. Phil. I told him everything I just told you, but in less details. They emailed me back with questions, I responded, and I still haven't heard anything.

My grandma gave me her old Weight Watchers stuff.

Atkins sent me information.

I was half watching "The Doctors", and they were discussing the PINK Method.
I was then watching Dr. Phil, and he was discussing the PINK Method.

I fell in LOVE! The women looked GREAT! They said it wasn't that hard, that more than losing the weight, they noticed other changes within them as well! They all had AMAZING results! And, PINK offered something more than Weight Watchers, Atkins, South Beach, and diet pills did.... A WORK OUT REGIMEN. Which is EXACTLY what I needed!!

And there you go! My whole story! And, reasons behind PINK! So far, so good!

The fatboy has awakened from his nap, and I have that lunch to get ready for...

Mass vs. Area

Today, the scale did not move for me. Still the same 224 lbs I was yesterday, which is better than I expected. Eating out last night, I was SO SURE I would gain a pound!

Lol! Isn't it funny how we do that to ourselves?? Worry about small things... But this is different. It's not like I COULDN'T control it. I could have chose to not have cheese or sour cream on the salad... I could have only eaten half. I could have eaten a HUGE plate of veggies before I even left home! I could have ate on my own at home, while everyone else went out. I could have made a better choice. Now, once the choice was made, what's done was done. There was no point in stressing about it... No point in beating myself up about it. Just a lesson learned. Chalk it up for next time.

Anyway, not to get off-topic, they say, "When the scale doesn't move, check your measurements".  So I did. The tape shows 1" lost in the bust, and 2" in the waist!! WOO HOO!! (^^) Personally, I prefer to lose inches. I could care less what I weigh, as long as my measurements are decent and clothes look nice.

Something else I've noticed that has changed in the past couple days, I have more CONFIDENCE. Ok, I'm a stay-at-home mom. The only place I go is the grocery store. I still love my sweats. I do not wear make-up very often. BUT, I walk around with my head a lot higher. Even at home! I stand up straighter, have my shoulders back, and more of a spring in my step. For the first time in a loooong time, I am TRULY confident!

On the subject of confidence, the fact that I am actually a very insecure person would surprise most people. I believe in a simple thing that I call "Fake it 'til you make it!".  It's taken me quite far in life, really. But once I'm home, and the "show is over", so-to-speak, I worry about how I came across to people, how I looked to people. Did I say/do the right things? What if they don't like me? What if I didn't make any friends? What if they were just being cordial? Do I look too fat in this? Will people look at me and just see my fatness? In recent social situations, I hide behind my son. I talk about him, I play with him, I position him in front of me so that he is seen first. When Scott isn't available, I talk to the other people about themselves. People like it when you take an interest in them. Does it work? I'm not quite sure. I do have friends though, so I must be doing something right!

Meeting with some of my old bible study friends this afternoon for lunch. Yep, eating out AGAIN! The advantage of this restaurant is they have a nice array of vegetarian dishes, the food is Mediterranean. Once again, worried about the salt, but I can't just be a recluse for the next 10 days either! 

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Chipotle, Among Other Things...

The hardest part of this "diet" ((I hate using that word!)) is that everything is so black and white. Leaves little room for dining out, and guests usually want something more than 4oz of lean meat, and a crap ton of "rabbit food".

I ventured out of the house for dinner. We went to Chipotle, one of the more healthier dining options that exists. I had a salad, with half the amount of brown rice, chicken, peppers and onions, a sprinkle of cheese, and a very little bit of sour cream. Goodness! Was that food SALTY!! And I just ate there on Saturday! I can't believe how big of a difference these past couple days have been in the salt department! And the dairy... It made me queasy. I didn't leave there feeling bad, but I do not feel the same as if I would've eaten George Foreman'd chicken atop a bed of various green leafy things.

I consider dinner a success! I'm starting to notice a difference in the way certain foods affect me. Do they energize me, or slow me down? Do they make me feel more alert and aware, or more "fuzzy"? ((NOTE: Even on my good days I still have my "mommy moments"... yesterday was an all veggie day for me, and I left my wallet at home. I had to return to the store to purchase my cauliflower))

I will be praying tonight that dinner didn't change my weight loss.

I've also stepped out, and I am making an effort to "try new things". My lunch salad was AMAZING! Just plain old baby spinach, with some chopped up bok choy, and.... SWISS CHARD! I wiki'd chard, it's used a lot in Mediterranean cooking, is actually one of the best dark-leafy greened veggies ((super packed full of nutrients and all kinds of good stuff!)), and also tastes a lot like beets. But is nothing like a beet! The root part of it looks like skinny celery, and the top is just a huge, glorious, leaf. The leaves are the most nutritious part of the plant. It was delicious, the fatboy didn't mind it either ((he usually isn't a "lettuce" guy)).  I bought the "bright lights" chard. It varies in color along the root, from a bright purple-y red, to orange, and yellow. Makes food more fun to have a "rainbow"!

Every day, this gets a little easier. Not that it's ever difficult.

Sometimes, I think to myself, "I would just like a pretzel!" A pretzel in itself isn't "bad"... However, 1 pretzel turns in to 3, and 3 in to 5, and so on. That is a lot of how I got in this mess in the first place. Now, when it comes to "junk food" pretzels are not nearly as terrible as potato chips. It's that thinking of it though, "this isn't as bad as potato chips", that turns it in to a problem.

Tomorrow, a post on "Why I'm Fat" will be posted. I would write it tonight, but I'm exhausted. Besides, I don't like making my posts too long, you know? I don't want to read a mile-long blog post, no one else does either!

Good night, dear friends! The scale awaits me in the morning!

I Have A Cold...

I really don't feel well. All I want is fruit, and chicken soup... 2 things that I can't have :(

On the bright side, I lost another 4 pounds! I have 74 more to lose! ((I need to update my first post actually... When I weighed in, I weighed 232, not the 240 I thought I was))

I'm very pleased so far with my results. Every time I think it's hard, I just think about how well it's working!! And, it isn't that hard really. I'm learning more about portions, I feel great ((aside from being sick)), I have a lot of energy, and my mood has greatly improved!!!

I sort of feel like a "freak" case, because I'm not aware of anyone else who has lost as much as me in that short time.

I take a metabolism boosting multivitamin every day, along with Calcium, B12, and D3.

I also have a hyperactive thyroid. Which, totally works in my favor! :D

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Reset Day 2

Nothing gets you more excited and motivated than losing 4 pounds in a 24 hour period, and you haven't done a single thing! (^^)

Today has been great! Started my day with a mug of hot water and a wedge of lemon. I call it "lemon tea", even though no tea is used. Supposedly, doing this has many benefits to the body including teeth whitening, aiding in digestion, clearing the skin, assisting in weight loss... if nothing else, it is at least a great source of vitamin C! And having a slight cold this morning, it couldn't have hurt at all.

I've been more creative with the food today. You know, I love cooking! I've always loved cooking. I don't know why I never thought to cook for MYSELF! And I think that is making all the difference. For anyone who doesn't have one, cooking is hard to do with a baby, which is pushing my meal times back more than I'd like. This could also be why I was so "grab n go" before, which I still am... But THIS time, I'm grabbing carrots instead of pretzels. This weekend, I'm going to chop more veggies just so I have one less thing to do before I eat. I also may invest in more tupperware so I have proper veggie storage.

Today, I am more hungry than I was yesterday.

Tonight, I would really love to have my stove popped popcorn, with just a smidge of butter... you know, enough to make a sprinkling of salt stick.

Before this diet, my popcorn was the worst thing I ate at home during the week. However, I am committed to this program. I NEED to be successful.

And so, I will just continue sipping on my ice water. I may have some veggies while I watch "Switched At Birth". No, it isn't the same. I hope that this will get easier!

Monday, January 9, 2012

Reset Day 1

Leave it to me to mess up my own blog! ><! You may notice that the first 2 posts are out of order.

Aside from that, today went great!
The breakfast shake I drank this morning was very delicious!
Lunch was HUGE! I didn't even finish it! I made some mistakes in my seasonings though ((balsamic vinegar straight up IS NOT a suitable salad dressing substitute! Bragg's Liquid Aminos when used sparingly has potential)) and I my stomach hurt for a bit while I digested.
I had a nice big plate of raw veggies this afternoon before I left for the 3Day Walk for the Cure meeting. I seasoned those with garlic powder and dill. Honestly, when I got home, I wasn't hungry at all. But, you're supposed to eat all your proteins so I had some grilled chicken on a small salad ((with Bragg's as a dressing))
All in all, I am VERY satisfied today!! No hunger spikes or anything!

For some reason, I have been craving nuts. Luckily, I do not have those in the house. I even journeyed out the house around lunch time, and did not succumb to the tempting aromas of the food court at the flea market, or the restaurants surrounding the grocery store. At the grocery store ((purchasing Fat Free Mayonnaise)) I met another girl who is doing PINK too! I made my first PINK friend! :)

As Day #1 comes to a close, I am proud of myself! And I don't miss carbs as much as I thought I would. I CAN DO THIS!!

Oh, and on a side note, instead of walking in the 3Day this year, I will be working the event. The walking dream should come to fruition in 2013! 

Honesty

I firmly believe that you MUST be 100% honest... Not just with those around you, but first and foremost, with yourself.

I'm Katie. I am 24 (almost 25), married to my best friend, Steve, and stay-at-home mom to our son, Scott, who is 9 months old.

I weigh 240 pounds. I'm 5'7" and this puts me at 90 pounds overweight. Yes, I AM OBESE. For those of you that know me "in real life", this probably surprises you, as I carry my weight well.  I am also pre-diabetic. In fact, my weight has such a HUGE impact on my health that my doctor told me the weight was a bigger detriment to my health than smoking. ((Yes, Dad, I started smoking, again. And this is another health factor I plan on tackling as well. I NEVER smoke around Scott, and will quit by his first birthday.))

Before I continue any further, you may be wondering, "Why are you putting this on the internet?!" I have a few reasons.
1.) ACCOUNTABILITY
Even if only one person reads this, I want to give them a success story. Secondly, when I write, I thoroughly check it several times and even think about what I'm going to be writing throughout the day. Having all of that in my mind, and in front of me, helps me to be accountable to MYSELF. Which, of course, is the most important thing.
2.) AWARENESS
When I went to my doctor with extreme fatigue, and some back pain, I just knew that "something wasn't right". I have always known that I could lose a few pounds, but had no idea just how out of control it was, or that the weight was impacting my health so negatively. If you don't "feel right", I strongly urge you to talk to your doctor about it. At 24, I did not expect to be pre-diabetic. I thought that it was for "old" or "grossly obese" people. When you catch things early, they are reversible.
3.) ENCOURAGEMENT
Not for myself, but for YOU. That if you have a change to make, even if it seems nearly impossible, just to go out there and grab the bull by the horns! YOU CAN DO IT!

I have spent the past week saying "goodbye" to food... Food that I enjoy, food that is terrible and full of nothing but empty calories. Chinese, Mexican, an array of take-out really, pizza, mac 'n cheese, beer, chips, chocolate, rolls, bread in general, pop corn, soda... And I have found that my portions are out of control, and that I really don't feel good after eating certain things.

I needed the week to process the change I am about to make. I needed the week to weed out my fridge and cupboards of the "forbidden" food, and stock it full of good food. Food that will fill me, food that won't hurt me. And before bed tonight, I will have one last bowl of buttered pop corn. Also the last Mike's Lemonade in the fridge. I also needed the week to understand how terrible certain foods can be, and how energizing others are. For instance, for lunch today, I made an amazing chicken soup full of veggies. Yes, I did add dumplings, and I did serve it with crescent rolls, but aside from the empty carbs, lunch was very enjoyable! And it carried me well through the day!

Why P.I.N.K.? I have tried other things in the past, like weight watchers. I was successful. I lost 12 pounds in a few weeks. I've monitored my carbs and fats intake, all that stuff... However, at those times, I was active. My activity level has significantly decreased since staying at home. In fact, I was more in shape managing fast food. I really don't do much. I needed a program that offered exercise and P.I.N.K. Method is the only program ((that I know of)) which offers both nutrition and exercise together. Thankfully, I acquired enough Christmas money this year to make P.I.N.K. possible! The program itself isn't terribly expensive ((it's cheaper than P 90X)) However, in order to follow the nutrition part of the program, you do need to do a kitchen make-over, and buy whey protein ((I am a proud GNC gold card member. I spent $100 in whey protein alone)) I also had to purchase a weight set.

The first 2 weeks are going to be hard for me. In this time, your protein intake is limited. No carbs at all, no salt, no fat. It is designed this way so that your body focuses on burning fat for energy, instead of carbs. This is the "reset".

After that, I will be able to add complex carbs into my diet, and start the workout portion of the program. There are 3 workout phases... You do each phase for 3 weeks, and then revert back to the no carbs diet for 5 days in between while your body rests and repairs itself. This whole process from start to finish is roughly 12 weeks. Due to my size, I start out with a 14 day reset. Smaller persons would do this for 3-14 days, and would shorten the length of the program.  Once the whole program is completed, you should have achieved a lifestyle change on top of the weight loss and body sculpting. The sample menus focus on lean protein, unlimited veggies, and small amounts of complex carbs.

I will finish the program at the end of March. My goal is to be in shape enough to have the stamina to start long distance walking, jogging, or maybe even running. I also plan on doing the 60 day walk for breast cancer in Cleveland this August. Having that goal in my mind will encourage me to continue to stay in shape!!

I am extremely excited to start this! I know it will be rough, but I will be better off in the long run. I do not want to be the parent that sits on the sidelines, and I want to start Scott on the right track by eating healthy, and being active. I owe this not just to myself, but also to my family. They deserve the BEST me that they can have! I KNOW I WILL be successful. This isn't weight loss for my own vanity, this is now a battle for my HEALTH!

Dear Reader,
Thank you for choosing to embark on this journey with me! I really appreciate everyone's support and encouragement through this process! :)

Getting Started

So, according to the book, you need to look at yourself naked regularly. This is my biggest obstacle. I'm not a fan of how I look, even with clothes on. I understand it is to motivate me to make a change, and eventually like what I see in the mirror. I did it, but it was hard.

This morning I weighed in at 232, and measured in at 48/47/48.

I made the first breakfast shake, and I wasn't repulsed. Scott even liked it! ((Things were easier around here before he could use a straw.)) My stomach is a bit queasy, but breakfast isn't something I am accustomed to. I know, I know, breakfast is important because it starts your metabolism... blah blah blah... I'm just not a breakfast person!

Here we are, the morning of "Reset Day 1". I looked at myself naked. I weighed myself. I measured myself. I "ate" breakfast. So far, I'm not starving. A part of me wants to snack since I have nothing to do at the moment, but I KNOW it isn't hunger. They say it takes 3 days to break a habit, I'm hopeful that the urge to snack will go away this week sometime. Pretty amazing, I never realized that I knew the difference before. Huh, perhaps I'm learning things already! :)